You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
