I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
