you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
