i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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