It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
