I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
