Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
