guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
