it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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