I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
