so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
