he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
