My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize