i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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