Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
