when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
