I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
