I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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