as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
