I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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