that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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