Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your penis caused this!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize