More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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