he wants to bone in the snuggie
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
