You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
