he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
