Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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