I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
