where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
