This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
