Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
whose parrot is this?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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