How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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