ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
