I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
