So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
