i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
