o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love you. Go after that dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
