me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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