in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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