No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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