She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
