She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
