Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
