Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize