Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
