The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
