Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
