K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
