the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
