I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
