He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize