I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize