i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
