I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
