I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
