Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This girl is more easily done than said...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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