Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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