Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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