At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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