i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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