I hope mine doesn't look like that
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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