I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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