You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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