And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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