Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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