if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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