so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
