Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize