can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
