dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
