The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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